I wish I could teleport
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
