who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
