your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
