Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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