im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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