We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
