i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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