Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
