I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i have two assholes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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