why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
