I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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