She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
