Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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