I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
