Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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