So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
