I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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