dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
