His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
