I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize