I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
