I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my shit smells like andre
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
