i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize