Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
