Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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