Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
