I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
