Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
