I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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