bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
