If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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