you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
nutella sex= disaster
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
