I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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