I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
