I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
