I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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