there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
MIDGETS
????
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
