Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
