You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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