I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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