Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
