I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
