theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
