I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
