Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
