people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
