i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
