the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize