but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
