she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize