Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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