im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
