I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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