we have officially lost it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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