Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
