Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
