I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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