Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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