New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
