Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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