Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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