I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
