He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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