Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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