i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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