I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
