I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
