So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
